crazy humor

The 11th Husband !!!

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin."

"What ?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

"Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.

"Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

" Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver..

"Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the- art method.

"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

"Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

"Husband #8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

"Husband #9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
.
"Husband #10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was......... .. God I miss him !!.
.
"But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".

"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why ?

"You're with the " GOVERNMENT ". .
This time I KNOW I'M gonna get SCREWED."

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy


Dear Tech Support ,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a
distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the
flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5..0 .

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as

Romance 9..5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable
programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4..1 .

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2. 6 simply crashes
the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5..3 to fix these problems,
but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,


____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________
_________ _________ _________
Reply

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5..0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. html and try to download Tears
6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update..
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then
automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0
to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1 .
Please note that Beer 6..1 is a very bad program that will download the
Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0
(it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of
all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.
These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0 ..

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and
performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!